Speaking British

You may have assumed (as I did) that blending in when living in London wouldn't be too hard. Okay, so yes, the accent is a dead giveaway every time, but I've since learned that there are many, many other ways British English and American English are different. Let me start with an example that will 100% nail you as a non-Brit: asking for a bathroom or a restroom.

In England, if you ask for a bathroom, you must literally mean a place where one can bathe (like in a home). Also, a restroom DOES NOT EXIST. In fact, one of my favourite stories of late is that when May's parents visited her in London, her mom asked the host at an upscale restaurant where she could find a restroom. The host turned to another employee and asked, "Do we have a room where this woman can rest?"

So what do you do when the urge strikes you? You have two options:
1. Ask for a toilet. Yes, I know, I know, it sounds weird and vulgar, but you get used to it relatively quickly. As a side note, I was recently hanging out with my friend Tom who announced he was going to use the bathroom. I called him out, "You called it a bathroom!" He replied, "Yes, well calling it a bathroom is the most British things Americans do." Deep. Truth.

2. Ask for the loo. Yes, this is still a thing. It's a bit more proper or posh and is best used in the sentence, "I'm just going to pop to the loo!" (which I use on a daily basis because it is just SO FUN to say).

Now, let's talk the clothes that you wear on your legs. You, American reader, may refer to this article of clothing as pants. However, in England, you need to call them trousers because pants = UNDERPANTS. This still gets me. Back in 2012, I arrived to work dressed in a skirt on a rather brisk summer day and announced to the entire office that I wished I was wearing pants. WRONG THING TO SAY. Thankfully someone questioned whether I intended to say trousers. Yes, I assured them, I was wearing underpants. More recently, I told my friends I'd gotten a new pair of pants from a charity shop. They asked (knowingly) whether my love of thrifting had gone too far. Thankfully, American movies [aka films (see below)] and TV are popular enough that people usually do understand what you mean even if it takes them a moment. I've gotten to a point where 8/10 times I remember to talk about trousers. I'm working on it.

Then there are other general language differences. Brits use a lot more Us than we do in the States (colour, favourite) and more double consonants (programme). You'll notice these spellings throughout my posts because I've changed my keyboard to British English format (enabling easy access to symbols like £).

England has weird ways of talking about their educational system. For some reason that remains very unclear, public school does NOT equal a school that is public. State Schools are public (anyone can go to them). Public schools and Private schools are both schools that require private payment (I still am not entirely sure of the difference).

Now, continuing on with our lesson, I've created a guide to British English! It's taken me several months to compile and is far from complete. But here, I present to you a cheap sheet for blending in while still having an American accent.

Time-Keeping and General Phrases

• I'll be there for 4 = I'll get there by 4
• At the minute = Right now
• Mine = My [flat/fill-in-noun]
• As in, "Should we make dinner at your's or mine?"
• Half four = Half past four; 4:30
• "Why don't you get to mine at half four?"
• We could do --> We could to that.
• "Should we get the train at half four?"
• "We could do."

Descriptions

• Knackered = Exhausted
• After turning in all of my grad school apps and preparing for the presentation, I was knackered!
• Smart = Useful/clever
• "That new App is really smart"
• Clever = Smart/intelligent 
• "He solved that Birthday maths [not MATH] problem, so he's really clever"
• Thick = Stupid 
• "Don't be so thick! Of course that's what I meant!"
• Pissed = Drunk 
• "I got really pissed last night"

Surviving Social Life

• University (more commonly, Uni) = College/University 
• "When I was at Uni..."
• "My friends at Uni..."
• "Do" = A party
• Leaving do = Goodbye party 
• Hen do = Bachelorette party 
• Stag do = Bachelor party 
• Queue = Line (THIS IS IMPORTANT!)
• Be prepared to queue a LOT in England 

Out and About

• Film = Movie and Cinema = Movie Theatre
• "Shall we go see a film at the cinema this Thursday?"
• Interval = Intermission
• "We can get a snack at the interval"
• Pavement = Sidewalk
• Lift = Elevator 
• Till = Cash register 
• Cashpoint = ATM
• "Where is your closets cashpoint?"
• Subway = underground walkway 
• This is especially confusing because the signs for subways are often near a Tube station, but don't actually take you to the station; they take you under the road somewhere else entirely 

• Takeaway = Carryout food
• "Do you want to get some takeaway Indian tonight?"

Home and Garden

• Flat = House (and therefore flatmates = house mates/room-mates)
• Garden = Yard (like a backyard)
• After work, we like to relax in the garden.
• Jumper = Sweatshirt
• Trainers = Sneakers
• Rubbish = Trash
• Bin = Trashcan 
• "Can you put the rubbish in the bin?"
• Pudding = Dessert 
• This does NOT mean chocolate pudding. Cake, cookies, etc are all considered "puddings"
• Plasters = Band Aids 

Other random things that they make fun of me for:

• Horse riding = Horse back riding ("Where else would you ride on a horse!?")
• Aluminium (They add some weird extra letters) 
• Disorientated (Again with extra letters)
• Bumbag = Fanny pack (DON'T CALL IT A FANNY PACK!!!! It means something else very vulgar) 

This list is far from complete, but will give you a good launch point for cracking the British English code. Other tips to blend in: Keep your volume down on public transport. Don't smile at strangers or start a friendly conversation when queuing at the tills (and also, always be on the lookout for a queue... there is probably one that you are jumping accidentally).